The harmony of giving and taking

It seems that the greatest privilege for all of us to share this small material world for a while has turned into a huge struggle to label everything with a certain value. We learn not only how to measure the material goods but the non-material experiences as well by the “price” we have paid to get them.  If we contemplate a bit on why we need to value everything, then we can shortly come to the conclusion that we need this value with the mere purpose to estimate how much we have given and how much we have taken in return.

The giving and the taking system rules our material world for centuries and the struggle to keep the balance of what we have given and what we have taken has totally obscured our perceptions of what their real value is. We have even divided the people into givers and takers, thus giving them the label of being good or bad. The simple principles that if you give, you will get; what you give is what you will get; and the more you give, the more you will get; somehow have been left neglected and diminished in value.

I have recently observed the split of a relationship with the obligatory bitter feelings at the end, where each of the parties was stating of being used and robbed. The bitter feelings are quite normal, albeit it’s too hard for the two of them to believe that the other one suffers, too. That’s the moment when we start measuring how much we have given and taken from a relationship. Then, we are more likely to estimate that whatever we have given is more, bigger and much more precious than what we have taken.

The truth, however, is that we have taken as much as we have given. The things and emotions moreover have one and the same value. It’s nothing more or nothing less for either of the parties. These things can be completely different in size and shape, or type of emotion, but they are exactly what we have needed to get from that person, supposing that we may later estimate them only as a lesson learned. Our relationships are simply exchanging periods and they are as long as the values of what we give and take are equal and comply with our needs.

The negative emotions at the end of a relationship originate purely from the fact that we are not ready, or we prefer to live with the illusion that we are not ready, to accept that what we give and take from each other does not comply with our needs anymore. Therefore, the value of what we have been exchanging is no longer the same. The so- called “giver” suffers as the offered things and emotions are neglected from the other side while the so-called “taker” feels almost forced to value something which is not needed anymore.

We can learn how to prevent ourselves from these negative emotions at the end of each relationship, by accepting us as both givers and takers. We interact with other people since we have a lot to give and at the same time, we need a lot to get. That’s how we learn and improve ourselves. Furthermore, what we have is just as precious as what other people have, though we might have different perceptions of their value. Labeling emotions with a certain “price”, however, is the last thing we should do even at the end of a relationship.

Street of dream realities

It happens now and then when a given song starts haunting me wherever I go or to interfere in whatever I do. It can come on the radio while counting the minutes to the next green light in the traffic, then from the café I pass by, to finally pop up on YouTube while searching for something else. Such accidental coincidences have always energized my days, making them more meaningful than usual, as actually there’s nothing accidental in them. Indeed, I take them as signs which persistently trigger my perceptions to read their message.

It may seem like a fantasy, but walking down and with the “Street of dreams” I have met the most important people in my life long before our first real meeting. And it’s not just me; there are many other people who have experienced the same strange feeling to have seen each other before. Right within this moment you may feel split between the rational reality and the illusory fantasy, striving to find the most suitable explanation. Even if you can’t find one, the emotions, accompanying this event come as the only logical reason and proof.

There’s for sure a reason for each and every person that we meet in our life, and whether they will stay for a season or for a lifetime is yet a different question. We can meet a lot of people who will fade away from our memories as quickly as they have come. Sometimes, it may be even difficult to recollect their names or place we have met, although they can reappear from time to time for a certain reason. The interaction with them will definitely leave a particular trace of knowledge or experience, but without that specific sense of importance.

There’s, however, a completely contrasting group of people whose worthiness can be measured only by the positive emotions to have left in us. We call these people our friends or loved ones, although they could be just passersby, whose aim is to give us a new direction in life. Time, space and all differences as well are the last obstacles to keeping the relationship alive and fruitful. These relationships are all a matter of self-improvement and raising our emotional awareness, and the interaction is always constructive for both parties.

Meeting these people on the street of reality is like a dream come true, regardless if we have seen them in our dreams before or not. The sense of importance is always overwhelming, though the exact reason for the meeting could be quite obscure or ambiguous at the beginning. Together you can experience some of the most wonderful things in life, but you could go through some hardships as well. Whatever come or go on the street of reality will be supported by the abundance of positive emotions to turn it into your street of dream realities.

Ohm’s law or how love works

For years, we have been taught that love is chemistry. Let’s agree to disagree that love, both metaphorically and literary has nothing to do with chemistry, and it is pure physics. It might be strange, but some centuries ago when the German physicist Georg Ohm invented the electricity law, he gave the perfect formula of love to the world. Apart from moving almost everything that we use in our mundane reality, it also moves us to look for and connect with that special person with whom eventually we will build a relationship, filled with love and understanding.

First of all, we need two points with a potential difference between them – a plus and a minus, or a woman and a man. It could be a double plus or a double minus couple, but there must be a difference between their potentials. Each point is “electrically charged” or these are all feelings, emotions, and intelligence which form our potential. The higher the difference between the potential in the points, the higher the voltage will be, and that's not healthy for any relationship.

In order to make the “current” run between these two points, there must be obligatory resistance, which actually links them. The resistance is everything different and unknown that we see and find at our partner, and at the same time, it’s everything that makes the relationship possible. Like it or not, but the resistance is constant and it shouldn’t be changed. You may try to adjust your feelings and emotions, and the way you interpret them, to each other, but don’t try to turn the other one into a spitting image of yours.

Let’s finally come to the point of love or finding of that perfect another one, who will brighten your life and will fill it with everlasting happiness. It may look hardly possible, but in fact, it’s up to us to build that relationship. How about to link these two points (these two people) with an electric bulb between them and for the given example it will be called the love bulb. Provided that no one in this couple tries to change the constant resistance (tries to change the other one), and each of them maintains their own potential (+/- 5V), which means taking care of their feelings, emotions and intellectual development, then the love bulb will shine brightly all the way down in their life. It looks like the ideal scenario.  However, the ideal scenario requires two people, emotionally and intellectually mature enough, to adjust themselves to any potential change of their partner. And no, that’s not your soul mate – that’s your life partner - a partner who must be different in order to keep the love bulb shining brightly.

There are two other possible scenarios where love has been totally neglected or it has very little to do with love. In these cases, the love bulb will either burst into pieces or it will never shine at all. The “high voltage” case is quite common and it is caused when one of the partners has dramatically decreased or increased their potential to a level which is too hard for the other one to accept or adjust – said, in other words, the feelings and the interest in that relationship are no longer the same. And if the love bulb never shines, do not blame the bulb - your own potentials are not strong enough to overcome the too strong resistance between both of you.

And finally, the soul mates! Some people spend their whole life, looking for that other one who will be completely like them. Think twice before you ask to meet that person because you may really meet them. Can you imagine what will happen, if you directly connect the plus and the minus without any resistance in between? I call this moment the BIG BADA BOOM! There will be no such thing as happily ever after, because it has never been meant to be so, and because that’s the way the Ohm’s law is. Within the moment of the big explosion, you will experience something very strong. It could be very pleasant or not at all, but there’s just one thing for sure – this meeting will give you a meaningful new direction in life.