The harmony of giving and taking

It seems that the greatest privilege for all of us to share this small material world for a while has turned into a huge struggle to label everything with a certain value. We learn not only how to measure the material goods but the non-material experiences as well by the “price” we have paid to get them.  If we contemplate a bit on why we need to value everything, then we can shortly come to the conclusion that we need this value with the mere purpose to estimate how much we have given and how much we have taken in return.

The giving and the taking system rules our material world for centuries and the struggle to keep the balance of what we have given and what we have taken has totally obscured our perceptions of what their real value is. We have even divided the people into givers and takers, thus giving them the label of being good or bad. The simple principles that if you give, you will get; what you give is what you will get; and the more you give, the more you will get; somehow have been left neglected and diminished in value.

I have recently observed the split of a relationship with the obligatory bitter feelings at the end, where each of the parties was stating of being used and robbed. The bitter feelings are quite normal, albeit it’s too hard for the two of them to believe that the other one suffers, too. That’s the moment when we start measuring how much we have given and taken from a relationship. Then, we are more likely to estimate that whatever we have given is more, bigger and much more precious than what we have taken.

The truth, however, is that we have taken as much as we have given. The things and emotions moreover have one and the same value. It’s nothing more or nothing less for either of the parties. These things can be completely different in size and shape, or type of emotion, but they are exactly what we have needed to get from that person, supposing that we may later estimate them only as a lesson learned. Our relationships are simply exchanging periods and they are as long as the values of what we give and take are equal and comply with our needs.

The negative emotions at the end of a relationship originate purely from the fact that we are not ready, or we prefer to live with the illusion that we are not ready, to accept that what we give and take from each other does not comply with our needs anymore. Therefore, the value of what we have been exchanging is no longer the same. The so- called “giver” suffers as the offered things and emotions are neglected from the other side while the so-called “taker” feels almost forced to value something which is not needed anymore.

We can learn how to prevent ourselves from these negative emotions at the end of each relationship, by accepting us as both givers and takers. We interact with other people since we have a lot to give and at the same time, we need a lot to get. That’s how we learn and improve ourselves. Furthermore, what we have is just as precious as what other people have, though we might have different perceptions of their value. Labeling emotions with a certain “price”, however, is the last thing we should do even at the end of a relationship.