The sorrows of black sheep

When it comes to the values we somehow get a bit touchy since they are one of those elements which build our personality, our visions of the world, and what makes us truly us in that whole picture of life. Of course, we all have values, although they may differ even among people belonging to one and the same cultural frame. Building our value system is a part of our own growing and self-acceptance, therefore, we need to feel comfortable and ready for a certain change which might be necessary to be done.

It will not be strange at all, if at a certain stage our values could be challenged and even threatened by placing us in an environment, offering a complete contrast to what feels close and familiar to us. For one reason or another, we have chosen that environment and the bonds we have already built may not be so easy to be cut. Leaving that same environment and looking for the right one may sound like the quickest and most appropriate solution, though, finding the correct one for sure will not offer the so much desired swift change.

Still, we may choose to stay and explore what that challenge is all about, despite the uncomfortable thrills it gives us, but moreover, because of the bonds which have so far given us the feeling that we belong somewhere. The longer we stay, the more evident the differences will become and the questions, whether we have to change ourselves and adjust to the environment or to stay true to what we have accepted as truth for us, will occupy our thoughts more often and respectively the feeling of being different will become stronger.

Those differences will be noticeable not only for us but for the others as well, thus giving us the feeling that we are slowly but steadily turning into the black sheep and that will be visible in all their actions and reactions. Apart from bearing the harsh emotions of being a disgrace or simply weird, the black sheep says much more than this, and merely our needs to be a part of a certain herd. The herd defines the rules and values, and being black among the whites, will always be a distinct sign as long as the external trait value more than the internal.

Then, is it really being black the reason which causes the sorrows of the black sheep? It could be! More often, however, the black sheep suffers from being called a sheep, and consciously or not, because of its own disabilities to define what kind of animal it is. That’s what the real challenge is, and not the values of the herd. Therefore, being able to properly define ourselves will give us the freedom to peacefully inhabit a given habitat and protect our values, despite the differences of all other species, as far as we are not their food.  

Sisyphean goals

Viewing life as a goal-achievement process might seem as the most natural thing in the world, though the real achievement of the goal can bring a variety of feelings and emotions which at times may lead us to a total emotional imbalance. Once we have overcome the uncertainties to commence a given journey and we have embraced the idea of that goal, it’s too hard to give it up, moreover if we have already felt it realised and completed.

Those first feelings and emotions, to have made us self-confident and content of how the real goal achievement could feel, are aimed to keep us going no matter how hard it could be along the way. Being so strong and lucrative, they often make us forget that we are somewhere at the very beginning or in the middle of the road, and not at the top of the mountain yet. That’s how the first mixed emotions of how we would like to feel and how we actually feel at the moment occur.

While striving to complete the tasks in the here and now, the sweet escape to the future may bring some positive vibes, though that will not result in a stable emotional condition of being fulfilled and satisfied. Very soon we will realise that the harder we push the further we will go away from our goal. Then, our goal may turn into a real Sisyphean trial, which some will label as impossible while others will stick to the idea “never give up your dreams”.

“Let it go” is the next approach, which may feel quite natural in a given goal-achievement process, when the struggle to get closer to what we have wanted has not given the desired result. However, “let it go” does not bring the connotation of sitting blissfully and meditating on “if it is meant to be, it will be”. Expecting miracles will bring another dose of negative emotions to top up on what we have already collected and to foresee the failure of our venture.

As long as we keep ourselves in the present reality and overcome timely the little hardships on the way to our goal, nothing is impossible. If each next step makes us feel good and more confident, that’s a sign that we are on the right track and we can keep on going. Sensing whatever negative vibes, though, is an indication of heading into a wrong direction. The best strategy at that moment is to revise our idea and to reconsider how and what we actually want to achieve. 

The goal-achievement process is above all a self-improvement process and it will not be strange at all when we realise that the initial idea has changed along the way, as well as we have changed ourselves. Some may keep on trying to achieve their goal the Sisyphean way, and what’s more they may finally achieve it. It’s all about the value of what we have reached and how we will feel about it. If you are ready to do it all over again, then all of your efforts have not been in vain. 

Abundance in a nutshell

I had a fascinating week, spent under the sign of walnuts and filled with plenty of memorable experiences. I gave and I was given, thus in return of my basket full of apples I got it back, filled with walnuts right when I didn’t have any at home but I needed them so much. I took them as a gift, which later on I used for a special thanksgiving occasion. Being a symbol of abundance, the walnuts, let me see how much one can have, even if you don’t have much or anything at all.

That was an interesting week of comparing incomparable things. I could hear the word “abundance” coming from so many different places, but at the same time, it was always opposed to the word “lack”. And the word “lack”, somehow, took its priority over everything else, despite the visible abundance. Though, for some, abundance is measured only by the material and visible spectrum, it’s strange how lack could become more measurable regardless its invisible nature.

The missing things in our lives, or what we think we miss, usually have such a strong power and influence on us, so that to make us blind and numb to everything else which could be in the presence. We are more likely to entirely concentrate and give our whole energy on that, I dare say, illusory emptiness, and to sink into our own sea of negative emotions. The more we focus on that emptiness, the more miserable we get and it looks more difficult to cope with that issue.

I do believe that our existence in the Universe has always been a matter of a perfect balance. Therefore, if we define that something is not enough or missing in our lives, there’s at the same time enough or plenty of something else to keep the balance. We only have to identify what we’ve got more and to learn how to wisely use this resource in our favour. It’s above all learning experience which triggers our flexibility and readiness to acquire new and useful knowledge and skills.

As for the measurement of emptiness or abundance, it has always been a question of how we take these notions emotionally. The negative emotions can turn a simple missing thing into the biggest drama while getting this same thing may not make us so incredibly happy. Thus, the whole abundance in the Universe could be held in just a nutshell for us, but to evoke an avalanche of positive emotions. It’s, in particular, a matter of how we perceive abundance and not how we see it after all. 

A masterpiece of doodles

While idling this morning with the next bunch of social shares, my eyes caught up a lovely video of a mum, shaping and colouring the fascinating doodles of her daughter, thus turning them into a great picture. That reminded me of how my daughter started her art classes when she was only two-years-old. All of her pictures ended up as masterpieces, neglecting the fact that they were imprinted all over her clothes and the room as well. Nonetheless, she was happy and proud, since that was the actual goal of the exercise.

This sweet recollection, however, streamlined my thoughts on how we start doodling our dreams and ideas in our childhood, without any expectations of what they are going to look like, to eventually transform them into an upright forward vector in our adulthood, keeping a straight line and schedules. Then, naturally, and with a certain dose of bitterness, comes the moment of awareness and enlightenment, and we gladly share with our friends the diagram “what I expected my life to be and what it turned out to be.”

The second part of the diagram reflects the same old doodles from our first pictures in life, with the slightest difference that we have already invested too much time and efforts to make them look like an upright forward vector. While trying to keep the straight line, having all our goals set up in a perfect plan, we somehow neglect the moment to improvise, to accept the things as they are and to enjoy what we are doing. Therefore, each scratch or shape aside from the initial idea may leave an imprint of negative emotions on us.

Of course, there’s nothing bad to have high dreams and long term goals, as they are the fuel to make us go further in our personal development. The disappointment usually comes from our efforts and expectations to give those dreams and goals a precise shape, just as we think we would like to have them, and to fix their achievement in a strict plan. Thus, we deprive ourselves of the possibility to see other alternatives which could be much better than our initial idea or turning the occurred defects into glamorous effects.

Doodling our dreams and goals may not seem like a serious approach from the perspectives of an adult, though that’s what we always get as a result. However, it gives us the flexibility to shape and reshape them, and to be filled with the exact emotional colour that we would like to have. Even if you can’t see or define a given shape at a certain moment, just keep on doodling, and at a later stage, it will become meaningful. Consequently, the picture of your life will look like a masterpiece of colourful doodles and you will be happy and proud. 

Hey Jude, let’s make life better!

I know how hard it feels when life has taken away something that we cherish so much and especially when life has taken a beloved one. The pain paralyses you, suffocates you and it gives you no chance to make the next or at least a small step towards the future. It could be even worse – you may see no future in front of you at all. And it’s not because there’s no future, but because pain is holding us back from everything wonderful that could be on our road ahead.

Let’s not blame life for being fair or unfair for whatever has come on our road, for that’s just our life schedule and we simply keep on following it the way it should be. We are the only managers, skillful and clever enough, who are able to lead it into that concrete direction which we would like it to be. There are nothing and nobody else who is more capable and responsible at the same time, to lead the company called “Me and Myself”.

That’s what I was trying to teach a friend of mine almost a year ago while she was struggling to overcome the loss of her beloved husband. Then she wasn’t able to see any future; she didn’t even want to accept there is such, as the charger of her life had already gone. It was so painful to observe how an inspired and always joyful musician was fading away from the world. Her piano was covered with a black cloth and reflected the melancholy music of her soul. 

She came up with a thousand excuses why the piano should stay covered while I was convinced that the only way to get the grief over was to start playing again. The hardest thing of all was to make her believe that life can get better and it’s up to us to make that first step. I have to confess, I almost had to drag and drop her in front of the piano to do something we had been doing so many times before – she, playing the piano and me – singing next to her.

We opened the first piano chord book, as she had no idea what to play, and “Hey Jude” popped up out of the blue. That was great! She was playing, although it was quite difficult at the beginning, and I was singing as I felt like signing exactly that song. I didn’t pay any attention to the lyrics at that moment, as we were both much more involved into how to tune each other into the song. We kept on repeating it over and over again to actually make a sad song better.

A year later that song popped out of the blue again, while we were both enjoying the end of a successful week. I love synchronicity moments! This time, I tuned much more into the lyrics, talking about everything we did and managed to achieve in that period. My friend stepped into her new life, working on her dream project, right as her husband expected it to be. The piano is no longer covered as there’s a number of cheerful kids learning to play on it together with her.

So, take a sad song! Take whatever you are struggling with in your life right now, it could be even a dream that you want so badly to achieve, and make it better. Let it out and let it in and make sure that you can feel it. Don’t let yourself down as you can make your life better the moment you believe you can. Just go out there and get it, for you have already planned it this way. And don’t forget - you are the only executive manager of “Me and Myself” company.